Friday, August 12, 2005

Dance the dance

I believe and have come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in this world, those who talk the talk and those who walk the walk. Movies have stated this and parents have told me but I found for myself that it really is true. Anyone can talk highly of themselves and preach to others. Many people can argue about an opinion they have. Everyone and their retarded dog( another phrase from my dad along with that floors me) can really really make you believe they are a certain kind of person but very few actually show that they are what they say and they do what they say they will do. Think about that. It all goes to that. And the cinnabun, anyone can look at the cinnabun and want to eat it, but few buy it and eat it with pleasure. hahahha just play ing. The real point is that I want to try to walk the walk I guess.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Mneh

Well kids, guess it's off to college in three weeks. No heart breaks or sad goodbyes. I like to keep it that way. I hate goodbye's. So bad. Ask the boys I've hung with. It's pretty wild. It really does never get easy but it always gets better. Harder but better I think. I have had a kickin summa actually despite how rawking last year was. It's weird how when you start to grow up, the important things change. I will miss things but I will try to have them with me.
well, I'm done.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Cady
Cady Heron


Which Mean Girl are you?
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Saturday, June 11, 2005

Life...in general

The Little things. The hard things. The blissful things. I Love life. And I try to live it. heh. It's as easy as that. Know what I love? I love cake. The thick frosting, the moist tenderness. I love laughing. It's a powerful incredible moment when you are laughing with your good time buddies. I love the tense, stressful moments. I love being weird. I love that. I adore anyone who can be out of the ordinary. I love reaching down into my soul or others souls and connecting. I like knowing about god and what it's really all about. I enjoy crying at night because I just got dumped by someone whom I first felt a feeling of real love. It's beautiful to wake up the next morning and have an emotional hangover and not remembering last night and you feel good for one second and then you remeber last night and your like,"Oh dang." and it sucked. Well there really isn't a word for it but I guess sucked is good. I love when your parents take turns screaming at you because you talked on the phone till 2. I love that. I love when close friends move away from you. I love when I fight with people I hate and even more with people I love. I love that I'm such a little girly nerd and people still admire me. I love when I walk away from the doorstep, car, backstage, park, (wherever) make out scene. C'mon We've all been there. ( Maybe not walking away but just there) That's probably the hardest thing for me. To do the right thing. not the easy thing, not the fun thing, not the "this feels good thing" but the Right thing. Not that the makeout scene is wrong, but just that the situation can't happen without hurting many people. I love dancing. My passion is performing. I love that feeling when you know you got em. You know that the audience looks on the stage and says to themselves,"wow. She knows what she's doing." I enjoy awkward moments of " ehems" and "ssso ahs." I love stubbing my toe. I love fear and anger. I love it all man. When I was a little younger, my neighbor Sis. Beeson had a new baby and I was at her house. I was going through some bitter freaking hard times of my dad, losing his job. His dream job he has always wanted. He sacrificed his whole entire life of working and going all the way to get a Doctorate and still being blown off, shot down, and pushed in the gutter of unemployment. What a sucking gutter. My mom, having 8 miscarriages and health problems. Me, finding out horrible crap about my closest friends and just struggling. Anyways, I love complaining just love it. So Sis. Beeson was talking and then we heard the first fall of a baby. We listened to the sound of (I need mommy) whimpers. She went to him and pick him up as typical mothers do. In my mind I said to my self, Self, this is the moment when a person can protect or teach. And she put him back down and just said, "You fell, and it hurt........and it sucks, but that's just life isn't it." She said it in a baby high pitched baby voice but still. She was teaching. Comforting him more this way. Helping him in the long ride. That's right, ride. Iunno That's just dawned on me. That's why I love hard things. They honestly make me better. I love it ALL. I do. That's life to me.....in general.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Just a kid...with grown up emotions

I'm just a kid. I'm being thrown into the pool of adulthood and I'm not a confident swimmer.
I'm ready. I know what to do. But a part of me feels like a little white twigg. I'll miss all my junior and senior friends. It's weird to think of people as just stages I went through. At last I'm free. Free to become who I want to become. Not so much with the authority. I'm just barely becoming familiar with popular bands and normal teenage hanging out. I'm still learning how to be a rebel without a cause. But, that's the way it works. Just when your comfortable the the blanket is torn from you. hahaha. so mellow dramatic. It's just a memory now I can put in my pocket. High school, friends, good times, young love er lust, cinnabuns, drama. Jenesse warned me that drama friends are addicting and I thought I could just have fun and not get attatched but that's impossible. I will always care. Even when I'm old and fat. and yes..... white. I will wonder what those kids are doing. I've been a whitch to a select few this year. but they respect me. I've opened my heart to some and been trusted and trusting. I've done some impossible things with the roles I was given. I made sacrifices and was lazy. I've been rebellious and pissed people off. I got through this year by the skin of my.......elbow......yes. I took some risks and tried to push myself. This year has been kickin. I will love and miss everyone. Imediate friends, close friends, rawking friends, and buddy buddies. Well, I'm out. Keep it firm and keep it real.
Holly (preparation H) Hancock

Sunday, April 17, 2005

You Are Lara Croft

"Everything lost is meant to be found."What Superheroine Are You?

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

I only want the pleasure

I don't know why friends are suddenly rude to me and decide they can hurt me. I don't know why. I guess they know me so well and so they just start arguing with me and making me feel worthless. I don't know why I just take it and try to pretend they are the same and even though things have changed and they act like I'm some stranger. I don't know why I just take it. I'm trained that way i guess. to just take critizism. it's good and bad. Sometimes, I try to let it go and ignore the hurt they caused because when I finally stand up for myself, I get burned. I never sacrifice the friendship for my hurt feelings but they always do and when I fight back, it ends. I don't know why. I don't know why. oh well.
I only want to play. I want music and happiness. I want friends and play. I want it all man. The pleasure smuthers the pain. I only have a few bitter feelings but when I do have them, they hit hard. That's why people get confused. I'm just like them I just take it all.